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I hear a lot of people lately identifying themselves as “California sober.” Is there some new kind of sobriety now? Did they change it? (February)
Stacey: If your drinking is a problem (and if you can apply the phrase “your drinking” to it, it probably is), then buying into California sober is about as wise as buying into Florida swampland. But whatever you do, don’t forget: The first one’s free.
Gustavo: If you are truly an addict, using other substances is like living in Poway—why?
Who the hell bought all these Cybertrucks I’m seeing on the road? And why? (July)
Gustavo: Elon Musk’s jacked-up jalopy is a speeding manifestation of the most Californian club of them all: the cult.
Stacey: It’s easy, when you hear about the faulty pedals that caused some Cybertrucks to be recalled, to say things like, “Did you hear there’s a problem with the Cybertruck pedal? Every time you step on it and drive somewhere, people laugh,” but don’t. Remind yourself that things could always be worse: You could come across an orange Cybertruck with a Cybertruck sticker on it.
Why do people like the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Is it a California thing? (March)
Stacey: I suppose as long as there are frat boys and the women who love them, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ tube sock will forever runneth over.
Gustavo: Hating the Chili Peppers is like hating Comic Sans: I get it, but there are better things to hate. Like Journey!
I wonder if California is too obsessed with itself. Is there something about this place that makes us a little too self-aware or even narcissistic? (August)
Gustavo: When was the last time you heard someone say, “Gee, I wish I was as arrogant as a Texan, as obnoxious as a New Yorker, as loony as a Floridian, or as whatever it is an Oregonian is supposed to be?” If everyone in this country had a bit of California narcissism in them, we would all be tanner, have more tacos in our lives, and always want to save the United States.
Stacey: The only critique I’d give us is that we might question ourselves a little too often. Since the answer to Are we as wonderful as we think we are? inevitably comes back Yes, it doesn’t make much sense to keep asking.
Should adults without kids go to Disneyland? (November)
Stacey: The Happiest Place on Earth is the happiest place on earth for everyone—young, old, straight, gay, parents, and freedom-loving people with disposable income and no spit-up on their clothes alike.
Gustavo: Like Pope Francis famously said, Who am I to judge? Everyone deserves their stupid escapism.•
