“Mom said dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino.
When will he realize he’s not 60 anymore?”
“Only me, you and the internet know how I feel about you.”
“Do you have any other books on hoarding?”
“I called you my little succulent because you’re low maintenance.”
“I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me.”
“Still no kills, but I did get my 100,000 steps in!”
“Just water, thanks.”
